At the end of February I was able to go to Vegas for a family meeting with my siblings to talk about the care of my mom and dad. They are getting older and are needing more care. Scott and Mare have most of the responsibility of caring for their needs i.e.; making sure mom's blood pressure is taken. giving medication, and checking in on them a couple of times a day. Scott even sleeps there most nights.
While we were able to discuss ways of helping with some of their physical needs like cleaning of the house and watering the lawn etc... the most important thing was not resolved, and that was getting more of a reprieve for Scott and Mare. I have decided that I will go once a month for a few days at a time to help. It is not much but it is something.
While there I had a little miracle occur. On Wednesday, just a few days after arriving I loaded dad and mom into the car to take a drive to Callville Bay, Lake Mead. I thought they might enjoy the ride and I thought it would be fun to take a trip down memory lane since that marina was a huge part of my growing up years. There were many summer afternoons that were spent on Lake Mead on my parents' boat. Our family would pack up sandwiches and soda pop and enjoy the afternoon on the water skiing and riding around in that fun boat.
Well, after arriving to Callville my mom needed the restroom. We found one in the parking lot that was open. Before leaving I took my phone out to take a picture of my mom. She looked so pretty that day.
When I was getting her back into the car I set my phone on the back window of their Cadillac. I had the thought, "don't forget to get your phone" Well, after getting my mom into the car and her walker into the trunk, lo and behold I forgot to get my phone.
After driving the forty minutes back home and getting my parents some lunch and settled in for the afternoon I decided to run to the store to get some ingredients for chocolate chip cookies. After driving a couple of blocks I looked down at my purse and noticed my phone wasn't there. All of a sudden panic filled me! The last place I remember seeing my phone was on the back of the car at Callville! I got that sick feeling that losing a phone brings. I turned straight around back towards my parent's home and said to myself that I would have to drive all the way back to Lake Mead to see if my phone was still in the parking lot.
First, I knew I needed to call Rick because he has Find a Friend on his phone and he could see where my phone literally was. While I was telling him my story he suggested that I go back out to the car to check one more time if it was inside. As I came around the back of the car I saw it! It was still in the exact same place that I had laid it an hour and a half before...on the back window. I couldn't believe my eyes! I had made turns, even a U-turn and had been up to speeds of sixty miles an hour and yet my phone had stayed on the back of the car through it all! Rick said, "Yes, my phone shows your phone is at 2383 Gateway Road." We both expressed feelings of shock and gratefulness that a little miracle had occurred. Rick then said, "I think you should go in and thank Heavenly Father for this tender mercy." And for sure I did!
Another experience that happened on this visit was not so good. At around 8PM that night I had encouraged my mom to go back and get changed into her pajamas. I would be back to help her. In the meantime Rick called and I talked to him for nearly an hour. When I finished up my call I could see my mom had fallen asleep on the couch. It was now 9PM and I wanted to help her get ready for bed so I woke her up. Well, that was a mistake. She woke up very disoriented and I could not get her to calm down. She was hyperventilating and talking nonsense. Very disoriented, scared, and confused. I decided to bring her pajamas out to her and help her to get dressed there in the family room. As I was getting her pajamas on, she was trying to take them off. After a awhile she got fixated on the remote control my dad had. She wanted the remote but didn't know what to do with it. More confusion and even a little anger coming through. Well, long story short. After an hour I called Mare to come and see if she could help to get her calmed down. We worked for hours to help her get back to sleep. The confusion and turmoil continued and I knew that if she rested she would wake up better. By midnight we were able to get her back to the room but she would not rest. She was having to urinate a lot and my thought was that she had a UTI that was causing this episode.
A sweet experience that happened during this time was that my dad came back to help to calm her. He had been worried from the start of this episode about how to help her settle down. He came back to the room and stood on the opposite side of the bed and said, "Sher, you need to get some rest just lay down and get some rest." He had tears in his eyes and his voice was hoarse like he'd been crying. Then he turned around and walked back to the family room.
After another twenty minutes or so he came back to the bedroom once again. He pushed his walker right up to hers where she was standing next to the bed. Again, he was crying. He put his forehead right on to hers and said, "Sher, it's time for you to get some rest. Just lay down and you will be better in the morning. I love you. Ok? Get some rest." Both Mare and I were crying from witnessing that sweet experience. My father rarely cries but in this tender moment his love and emotions were one as he tried to calm her.
Mare asked me to step out of the room shortly thereafter and said she would try to get her in bed. Then Scott arrived and went back to help. An hour later I went to see how things were and Scott was asleep on the bed and mom and Mare were headed out back to the family room again. Boyd called at 2:30 and said he needed Mare to be back home by 3 because he needed to get up and go to work. She left at 3 and I once again tried to get mom back to her bed. My mom was up and down for the next hour but eventually she fell asleep between 4 and 4:30. I finally was able to sleep. I slept until 9AM and woke up to find both dad and mom awake in the family room. I asked my mom how her night was and she responded, "it was fine, I guess." She had no recollection of what had occurred all through the night.
Mare was able to get her into the doctor later that day. The doctor said it was not a UTI but just effects of furthering dementia. It will be interesting to see how much longer my mom will be able to keep her mind together. While she has had a few episodes like this in the past, none have lasted near this long. I'll say that it was a very emotional time. I got to the airport later that day and just cried. Not only was I exhausted from lack of sleep but the emotional toll was great.
I'm losing my mom. It is not going to be easy.
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