When we got the call on Mother's Day that my mom had passed, as siblings we decided that we would meet on Tuesday there in Vegas to plan for the funeral arrangements. Rick and I left the next day and drove as far as St. George. We got up the next morning and got to Vegas at 9AM in time for the family meeting. Paul and Vickie were out of town so they were on a phone call. Everyone was in good spirits and we talked of how the funeral program would go. It took a bit of finagling because the week that we decided to have the funeral on wason May 20th and that was the last week of school for the Vegas families. There were graduations, teachers' last days and grandkids' finals to work around. For that reason we decided to have the funeral on the Wednesday the 20th in the afternoon.
We worried that having it in the middle of the week and in the middle of the day would make it hard for some people to be able to attend. (In actuality, there were an amazing amount of people who attended.)
We each had assignments...
We decided that we would each share memories of mom
Scott, Mare, Rick and I were to meet with L Paloma funeral directors the next morning to choose a casket, get the death certificates ordered and set up all the details for the funeral.
Terri had Trisha be in charge of the making of the funeral program.
Mare was in charge of the flowers.
Kathy and her girls were in charge of decorations and pictures.
Scott and Tori were planning to sing a "That's What God Made Mothers For".
Scott was going to organize the burial with Mesquite City and contact cousins
Our family was asked to prepare a song
Scott was going to ask the North Stake Choir if they could sing the opening song
Mare suggested that Skylar play the guitar and Sarah sing for the graveside service
Deanna was going to pick up some new temple clothes for mom
and all of the girls were going to meet the day before the funeral to dress her and fix her hair.
We decided that we would have the viewing start at noon and go for two hours. The funeral was to last for an hour and a half and then we would go directly to Mesquite for the burial at 5:30-6:00.
After the meeting ended Deanna, Mare, Rick and I drove over to the funeral home to talk with Nathan who helped us with the process of choosing a casket, getting death certificates, starting an obituary on their website and other little things that needed to be done.
Afterwards, we stopped to grab a bite to eat at Chic-fil-a. Mare told a man who reached out to her after hearing of mom's death. He told of how when he had to return from his mission early that on that first Sunday of returning to church he was super nervous to face the members of the congregation and the judgements that he would feel. He said that he walked into the room and mom came over to him and hugged him and told him that she loved him. He expressed to Mare how that act soothed his soul and how much he appreciated our mom for doing that.😊
This is the picture that was decided to be on the front of the funeral program. It is such a beautiful picture and she looked so prety in pink, her favorite color.
After arriving back at the house the girls went back to mom's bedroom and I don't know why but we started going through her jewelry and laying it all out on her dressing table. The girls suggested that I take mom's wedding band that she had on when she passed. I think each of the girls had a piece of jewelry that mom had given them early on. I was really thrilled to receive that piece of jewelry. We left it all sitting there on the dressing table thinking that the younger generation would want to come and choose a piece of jewelry to remember her by. That did happen later but after we left Scott put a lock on the bedroom door so that no on ewould randomly go in and start taking stuff.
That night we were able to meet as siblings at Scott and Kathy's home for dinner (catered by Mikey and Tanya) and enjoy some time reminiscing about mom. It was a great night to be with my brothers and sisters and their spouses. Everyone was there but Kelly and Deanna. She had left to travel home by this point.
We traveled home the next morning and we got started practicing with our kids the music for the funeral.
I had seen posters of "memories of grandma" done at Brach's grandmother's funeral the year before and I loved the idea. I reached out to my siblings to reach out to their kids to email me their memories. It took a few days to collect them all but I was able to have them printed in 11'14 format and I think they turned out really pretty. I believe my mom would have liked them.
The funeral was set for the 20th so on the 18th we headed back toward Las Vegas. We stayed in St. George that Monday night and then got up early to get to Vegas by 8AM. My sisters and I had an appointment to go to the mortuary and dress mom's body and prepare her for the viewing. We got there and her hair looked terrible. It had grown quite a bit since my dad's funeral six months prior when she had her last cut. I had brought my scissors and did my best to cut her hair and then styled it with a curling iron. Since her head was lifted on a headpiece her hair kept falling back. She generally would where it around her face. We secured it as best as we could with hairspray and hoped she would look good once she was placed in the casket and had a pillow behind her neck.
The rest of the day Rick and I spent together. We had lunch and then stopped at See's Candies to pick up some chocolates to display in the foyer with all of Kathy's decorations. After that we headed to the church to set up all of the memories posters while Kathy and her girls worked on setting up the display. Everything looked really nice.
That evening we stayed the night at the Towne Place Suites close to my parents home. I woke up at 4AM the day of the funeral feeling very nauseous and sick. I had stomach issues and really felt awful. After an hour of praying that I could get feeling better I woke Rick up and asked for a blessing. I could NOT be sick on my mom's funeral day. I knew that if I didn't throw up I would still be able to go even though I had severe diarrhea. He blessed me that I would be able to be well enough to make it through the funeral. Thankfully, I did make it through the funeral and even though I was not feeling well throughout the whole day I did not have to miss anything because of it.
The viewing was set for noon so I was able to rest in the hotel room for a while. I did not eat anything the whole day because I just did not know what my stomach would do. Rick bought me a Pepsi to sip on and that was what sustained me throughout the day. That and water.
We arrived early to the viewing to be there when my mom's body arrived. We made a last minute decision to have the viewing be in the Relief Society room instead of at the back of the church like my dad's was. It was a good decision. It was a smaller room but already decorated with nice pictures on the wall. Plus, my mom attended hundreds of meetings in that room where she served as RS pianist for MANY years. I'm so glad that we had it there.
The flowers that Mare ordered were beautiful. My mom looked beautiful as well. Her hair did end up looking nice. I thought the funeral home did a nice job.
We had many people come to the viewing. It was literally nonstop dor two hours straight of family and friends coming to pay their last respects. I did not feel well through most of it. I took a little hiatus for about twenty five minutes sitting in the car getting some fresh air and sipping on a little Pepsi.
When I went back in it was time for the closing of the casket. Honostly since her passing I had not felt much sorrow. Yes, I cried a few tears but nothing like what you would think after losing your mother. I mostly felt relief for her. Relief that she was released from the effets fo old age on her mind and body. I also felt rellief that she was with my dad again.
The closing of the casket was the most difficult time for me. I could barely hold in my sobs at the fact that this was the last time I would see my mother's face here on earth. I was overcome with emotion and tried very hard to hold back sobs. The casket was closed and we all lined up in order of age to make our way into the chapel. This picture is of all of us surrounding our mom's casket.
The service went as follows:
Presiding: President Mark Turner
Conducting: Bishop Travis Houston
Family Prayer: Paul Hafen
Organist: Ryan Gourley and Erin Hatch
Opening Song: North Las Vegas Stake Center Choir
"Our Prayer To Thee"
Opening Prayer: Rick Phelps
Life Sketch: Terri Shields
Memories: Deanna Blake
Scott Hafen
Paul Hafen
Janell Phelps
MaryEllen Nelson
Musical Number: The Phelps Family
"He Cares For Me"
Memories: Jeremy Blake and Trisha Tucker
Musical Number: Dick and Sherry's Granddaughters
"I Will Walk With Jesus"
Speaker: Ginger Ewell
Remarks: Bishop Travis Houston
Closing Remarks: President Mark Turner
Closing Song: Scott Hafen and Tori Stutzman
"That's What God Made Mothers For"
Benediction: Pete Shields
The funeral was well done. It lasted longer that we were wanting at an hour and forty minutes but I think we did our mom proud by the nice service and remarks that were given.
After the funeral we headed straight off to Mesquite for the burial. Rick hadn't eaten all day so we stopped at Farmer Boys to grab a bite. We had Rafe with us and while they chowed down on their food (while driving) I tried not to vomit in the passenger seat.😳
We got to the cemetery just as the hearse was ready to be unloaded. The graveside service was short and sweet. Skylar and Sarah did their musical number of "In The Garden" and then Boyd gave the dedication of the grave. We took pictures and mingled for the next hour visiting amongst all who were there. I kept trying to leave but it was difficult saying goodbye to family. Finally, I told Rick that we REALLY needed to go. I felt really weak and awful by this point and was ready to get myself into bed at the hotel in St. George.
All in all it was a really beautiful day and a beautiful tribute to my dear mother. She will be sorely missed! I am happy for her that she lived such a good life. I am sure that there is much rejoicing in heaven with her parents, brothers and friends!💗
